systemhalted by Palak Mathur

Years 2020 and 2021

I am not sure how to rate 2020 as a year for me personally. It was a mixed bag but was the best in terms of my physical health. It was the best year health wise. I had never been that healthier before.

However, mentally, it was traumatic. First in college, I had to skip two semesters continuously. Covid was excruciating as well. And then there was a blame game that my sister-in-law played. Umm, technically that happened this year but the seeds of it were sown last year-end itself. I was blamed for things that I didn’t do. So, I have no relationship whatsoever with that lady and her husband. They can live happily where ever they are but I really do not care.

Actually, honestly speaking, I do care. I don’t like that we have smaller family(?) than before. It is painful for me to see that Priti has to talk to her, even though I don’t mind, hiding from me or not take her call, when I am nearby. She also didn’t tell me that they bought home and had a Grah Pravesh, which she wanted to attend and so had to miss it. It is a shame but the blame she put me is not something that I can take lightly ever. So, our relationship will never be same. Actually, there will be no relationship between us ever again. If it is at the cost of family than it will be and it is. Again, the things that I have been blamed of are so abhorrent that it is better that she stays away from me forever.

There is one important thing that I have learned. I now know what family actually means. Probably, still can’t explain it to others but deep within I know.

Coming back to my mental health, now, if we discount this above incident, I think my mental health has been great as well. I learned how to meditate, thanks to Dr. Dhanada Kulkarni, who taught me Yoga and Meditation. I am much more spiritual than I ever was and love this aspect of life. Also, being spiritual helps me deal with the other mental issues I have. Sadhguru said that we can control how we feel and react. So, that is what I am doing. No one else can make me feel bad about myself. It is all me - all within me. If I decide that no one can make me feel bad or good, I can control the emotions that I want to feel. And this is the power that I want to enjoy forever.

Insane Thoughts   Spirituality   Personal Growth   Family